Holly Barnes

Holly Barnes

Holly Barnes, RN

3rd Floor Med/Surg
Baptist Memorial Hospital - North Mississippi
Oxford, Mississippi
United States

A note to Holly from her patient:

I have such a hard time just talking to people, but I want to let you know how very much you impacted my life. You told me last night to be firm this morning and do what I wanted. So I did, with you in the front of my mind urging me on. It wasn't easy, they didn't want to give in, but I was firm. I was able to tell them my plan A-B. I was calm - they had no choice but to back off. With that done, amazing things began to happen. My daughter bought my bus ticket, and she is going to stay in touch with me - now if she is acting like that toward me, her sister isn't far behind.

Last night I was writing in my diary and I asked God if He would just give me some kind of proof that I truly am his child. Then today absolutely everything fell into place - bus ticket, transportation, hotel for tonight. When they brought my things they also brought me 3 bags of gummy-lifesavers. The lady running the shelter calls me and tells me she can't wait to meet me - not to mention the hope of restoring a relationship with my girls.

Then this afternoon, as I was updating the diary, a vision or revelation, something slammed into me so hard and so fast I actually thought I would fall off the bed. What God was allowing me to see was myself and how I got to where I am. It was ugly seeing the me that way. I wasn't happy, and I made sure everyone suffered. No wonder they kicked me out. Now wonder the rest of my family didn't want me with them or around them. No wonder they didn't want to help me. I was so mean, Holly, and I don't mean in a bad mood, I was MEAN and cruel with words. I have been getting what I deserved. But in this "revelation" or whatever it was, I also saw that I gave up my control to the wrong people. My life will never work until I willingly give over my control to God, which I did today. When your prayer is answered, that's it. It's time to obey God and let Him use you.

You brought me (helped) to this point, and I will be forever grateful. You are like no one I have ever met. Your kindness, not ever REALLY surrendered. Your urging me to "stand up" started it all. I, for the first time in years, took control of my own life and made my own decision. I can't tell you how good I felt this morning holding the reins, so to speak. YOU caused that to happen, which brings me to "the revelation". For years now my life has been controlled by my sister and her husband. I was not allowed to make any decision, have any money, decide what food I wanted to eat, go to a church of my choosing, etc. So subject to others in every aspect of my life. I've always been strong willed, stubborn, and then to not have any say-so over my very self. I was angry, seething on the inside, bitter, full of resentment. So I turned mean, hateful, and cruel.

But you are something more. I don't know what it is. You radiate joy, but it's more than that. I know this sounds so nutty, but it's as if you carry around with you or in you a little bit of heaven. I don't know, it's just the closest I can get to it.

Thank you for being here, thank you for sharing yourself with this old, broken-down old woman. You will be in my heart forever. YOU helped me to finally move closer to God. You are the best nurse I ever had, and every time I eat those fruit gummies I will think of you.