I was a patient at Brookwood Hospital. Here's a little background as to why. My husband and I have struggled with infertility for over 2 years, and in May we found out that we were expecting. We were so excited! At 7 weeks, we finally saw the tiniest image of our baby on ultrasound to include a heartbeat. We cried tears of joy, but I could see the concern on the technician's face. "The yolk sac is too large and the heartbeat is too slow at 82. There's a 50/50 chance this pregnancy will end in miscarriage," they told us. They wanted me to return in 3 days for a repeat ultrasound. The next 3 days were the longest days of my life. I cried and prayed for the next 3 days.
When I returned for my repeat ultrasound, there was nothing. No heartbeat. No blood flow. We couldn't even see the baby anymore. Just rings of debris they called it. I was devastated. The next day I was at Brookwood Hospital for a D&C in hopes that we would find out why my pregnancy ended in miscarriage. During my short visit to Brookwood, I was very emotional, to say the least. Everyone I met during my stay was amazing, but one nurse stood out above all the rest and I will never forget her.
Two nurses came to take me to surgery and I began to cry because at this point I knew they were about to take my baby from me. Amanda noticed my tears right away. I felt her gently touch and rub my foot that was under the blanket. It doesn't seem like much, but her touch told me that she was there. When I woke up in recovery, I saw Amanda at the foot of my bed giving report to the PACU Nurse. I started to cry again because at this point I knew my baby was officially gone from my womb. When Amanda noticed me crying, she walked closer to me, held my hand and said "It's okay. Go ahead and let it all out." She gave me permission to feel every emotion without feeling embarrassed. As I squeezed her hand and continued to cry she asked, "Can I pray for you?" I don't remember what she said during the prayer. I wish I could remember this part, but I was so emotional. I do remember how her prayer made me feel. I was so touched that someone who didn't know me took the time to make sure that I was okay.
Amanda could have easily ignored my tears, choose not to insert herself into such an emotional/personal situation and continued with her busy day, but she didn't. She saw me. She really saw me. Before she left the bedside, I remember her saying to the PACU nurse, "Take good care of her." It was in that moment, I felt that I was more than just a number. I felt such a strong sense of peace. I knew I was in good hands.
As a nurse myself, I care for many patients and sometimes never know the outcome. I often wonder, hope and pray that I made a difference. That day was one of the hardest days of my life and Amanda positively influenced my healing process. Amanda embodies the true nature of a nurse who endeavors to heal the mind, body, and spirit of her patients. Ultimately, I want Amanda to know that what she did for me mattered and that she made a difference. The words "thank you" will never seem enough.