Amanda Swain
July 2020
Amanda
Swain
,
RN
ICU
Cleveland Clinic Hillcrest Hospital
Mayfield Heights
,
OH
United States

 

 

 

Take a moment and close your eyes. Imagine you haven't been feeling yourself, you have had this pain in your side but nothing too severe. You just simply want to get it checked out to see why this is happening. You go for a scan and the doctor says, "we see something that looks like pneumonia, we want to send a swab to see what it is." You think to yourself, pneumonia? Hmm I feel fine though. You are waiting for the results of your swab, you are in your room watching the news hearing how COVID-19 is just starting to appear in the United States. You again think to yourself I feel fine, that's so scary that this is happening here now. The doctor comes in and tells you that the results from your swab are in and you in fact are COVID positive. All of a sudden you are shut in this room. All you can see are the eyes of people that come in in masks and gowns. You aren't allowed to have visitors and can only see or hear your family from your phone. Just like that, your entire world has been turned upside down.
As time goes on you are feeling more tired, it's difficult to breathe like when you have the flu but almost harder. You decide to rest your eyes. You wake up and see people standing outside your door, you feel like you are on display. You hear someone say "that's her she is our COVID + patient." You feel like everyone is watching you like a fish in a fishbowl. Another day goes by and the doctor tells you that you have been requiring more oxygen so you are going to be moved to ICU. A mask is placed on you the nurses are trying to stay calm, but you can tell that they are scared too. You get to ICU, you are whisked into a room and effortlessly hooked up to the monitors. More wires, more people, more masks, and more sets of eyes on you. You take a look around and the nurse tells you that you are settled in and can take your mask off. You begin to cry and say no, you don't want to get anyone else sick. You go to look at your phone and your phone battery is almost dead. The nurse offers to look for a charger but can't find one. You wonder if you will be able to talk to or see your family and loved ones again without your smartphone. The next day you hear a caregiver joking about COVID and saying that you are lucky to be alive. You get upset you feel hurt, but you have been thinking the same thing as you see the headlines flash across the news on the television in your room. You feel alone, scared, with nothing to keep you company but the beeping of the monitors and your racing thoughts. Just as you start to cry blue blur steps into your room, another gowned and masked nurse steps into your room. But this is not just any nurse this is a DAISY Nurse. Your nurse steps in and says "hi, guess what I got you? " The nurse has found a charger that works for your phone, a lifeline that will connect you again with everyone you care about. She reveals a bag that she was holding behind her back and reveals magazines, adult coloring books, and some essentials to get cleaned up. The nurse's eyes seem different from others, is she smiling? Your nurse says, "how about we do your hair today." Your nurse helps you get up and positioned to wash your hair as if it is a chair at a salon. You close your eyes and feel the warm water wash over your head the first time in days. She dries your hair and even takes the time to style it for you and show you how you look. She gives you soap and lotions, you can actually feel somewhat normal again. None of those baby wipes to wipe off with, but actual lotion and deodorant. The nurse steps out for a moment and you hear her talking to someone, you hear your name. Did she actually call you by name? Not a room number and not called "the COVID patient?" It was that little moment, that one shift, that one nurse, that one person who embodied what it is to be a DAISY for you to feel like a person, not a diagnosis, not "the first one," and not a room number. You are able to smile again and tell your family when you talk to them that you had a better day today. Your nurse, Amanda, made everything better. You and your family both cry. Tears of sadness, tears of separation, and tears of joy that someone has suddenly helped to make things bright like a DAISY.