I had gotten a patient in the ED who was very ill. During the time this patient was in the ED I witnessed some horrible interactions from a caregiver that made me question the care this patient received at home. When I found out the patient would end up on hospice, I fell apart. As we all know many nurses become "hard" and get jaded. I have had nurses tell me before that I am too compassionate to be an ED nurse (of course I think it's impossible for any nurse to be too compassionate) but for some reason, there are nurses who see compassion as weakness and it has made me feel like I need to hide it from them. I held it together but when I gave report over the phone to Anna Weibel, I again had to witness the poor treatment the patient had gotten from the caregiver.
I don't always see death as a bad thing and I can see it as something very beautiful when it ends someone's suffering. However, I could not stand the thought of my patient's last hours/days being treated the way they were by their family member. It horrified me to think of what my patient's life was like at home when no one was watching and what got me the most was that my patient was going upstairs to say goodbye to the world and had to feel as though no one cared.
As I walked down the hall to take my patient up to the 4th floor my heart broke thinking that my patient was going upstairs and that goodbye from her loved one may be the last. It wasn't a pleasant goodbye.
When I got to the 4th floor, Sharla Gardner immediately met me in the room and as I backed the patient into her room I had to stop for a second to try and hold it together but instead fell apart. Anna had also walked in at that point and I have never felt so comforted. Together we all got the patient comfortable and Sharla and Anna took the time to talk with me and comfort me. I don't think my patient could have had better nurses caring for her and I don't think that it was just by chance that these two were working that night. I felt so relieved to know that I was leaving my patient with Anna and Sharla and it made me feel so much better that they for our patient. They deserve to be recognized and know how appreciated they are.