I was admitted for preterm premature rupture of membranes. I was thirty-one weeks and six days pregnant with my second in-vitro miracle baby. Several members of my family had just recently moved away from the Dallas area and my parents had just left on a two-week cruise to Alaska. I was suddenly faced with the possibility of having a premature infant in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and a three-year-old at home with only my husband to rely on. I was able to hold off labor for fifteen days. I was thirty-four weeks pregnant at the time. I had been informed that morning, while we were trying to stop my contractions, that the NICU was on divert and there was a possibility that my son may be shipped off to another facility. I was terrified but my obstetrician told me she would fight to keep him with me.
At 10:37 pm, my baby was born. The NICU team quickly took him and worked on getting him stable. Before leaving the operating room, he was placed on CPAP and I was able to see him from a distance. The NICU had done some rearranging and was able to accept him. I was relieved. In the coming days, I focused on seeing my son as much as possible, pumping and recovering from my Cesarean section. I was discharged home 3 days later. The initial twenty-four hours away from my son were manageable but the reality of leaving my little baby all alone quickly set in. My three year old found me crying at the dinner table one night and asked me "Mommy, why you sad?" It was not easy to explain. If I was at home, I felt guilty I was not with my newborn. If I was at the hospital, I felt guilty I was not with my three-year-old. I was constantly being torn in two different directions. I needed to be in two places at once. I needed to be able to love on both my boys at the same time.
After several days in the NICU, a nurse named Bev was assigned to my son's care. That's when things changed. We had loved all the nurses we had interacted with in the NICU, but there was something about Bev that made her different. The way she looked at and spoke to my son was what you would expect from a close loving family member. In the span of just a few hours, she had bonded with him in a way I had never seen before. You could honestly feel the love she was exuding. Not only did it put me at ease, but I could see it put my son at ease as well. From then on, if Bev was working, she was caring for and loving on my son. I was eternally grateful and it made my time away from my preemie much easier to bear. I knew that while I was at home loving on my three-year-old, she was at the hospital loving on my preemie.
He was eventually taken off CPAP, able to move into an open crib and our focus turned to bottle feeding. He had met all the other requirements for discharge. He just needed to start finishing his feeds. What he did not finish from his bottle, he got through a feeding tube. After giving us some advice about switching bottle brands and a little bit of time, Bev started getting him to finish his feeds. He was taking the occasional full bottle from others, but he took them amazingly well from Bev. She worked with him, talked him through his bottle and loved on him while feeding him. I could tell the bond between the two of them was strong and she had a special interest in my son's care and growth. Bev always told us that our son can "pick up on your vibe." Bev's vibe was full of love and I believe that was the main factor that led him to start finishing his feeds. Numerous articles actually confirm similar theories and research has shown that "interventions performed without empathy, mechanically, or while distracted by other concerns may be less effective than those imbued with love and care for the patient's well being" (Anand, 2008).
Once he started finishing his bottles, the next step was to teach my husband and me how to get him to do the same. My husband and I both learn in significantly different ways. I like to sink or swim for a while and then receive some input. My husband, on the other hand, wants some initial tips and then wants to try it his way without being hovered on. Bev picked up on this right away and adapted her teaching style to us individually. We were able to tell early on that this wasn't just a job for Bev. She was born to care for these premature infants. While I haven't been in the room to see Bev interact with her other tiny patients, I would be very surprised if she did not develop this close bond with all her preemies. "By incorporating empathy and love in caring for [her] patients [she maximizes] the benefits of evidence-based medicine" (Anand, 2008) and her patients heal and grow because of this bond.
She is an exemplary nurse and a role model for others to look to. During my son's NICU stay, I may not have been able to be in two places at once but I got the next best thing: Beverly Benskin, RN.