Brian T. Vail
July 2021
Brian
Vail
,
RN
ED
Maine Medical Center
Portland
,
ME
United States
As my clinical brain spun up; Brian was already asking for everything I wanted. Thanks to Brian’s leadership and excellent clinical judgment, I never had to ask for anything.
Reflections- “Hey! I know you, you’re the nice one who shows up when people are mean.” This is how Brian introduced himself to me. My mother, who had end-stage lung disease, was sitting on a hospital stretcher and smiled with pride. He followed with, “I’m sorry to have to see you here, having a sick family member isn’t ever good.” My mother’s lungs had gotten worse, she could only say a few words before having to take a big breath. No one ever knows when someone is going to pass away, but I think Brian’s insight knew things had changed. As I reflect on the days, and weeks after that hospital admission, a very clear moment stands out. My mother was taken for a CT scan, and in the famous hospital jargon, she ‘crumped’ during the scan. She was wheeled back into her room fighting to catch her breath. Brian was right there. As my clinical brain spun up; Brian was already asking for everything I wanted. Thanks to Brian’s leadership and excellent clinical judgment, I never had to ask for anything. “I think we need an ABG. Nope, let’s just get to a critical bed.” And like that my mother was moved to a new hospital room. I’ve been that nurse, the one who takes the dying family member to a new room. Who sets the patient up with lifesaving interventions, but never have I been the family member standing alone. I turned to catch my breath, to find I wasn’t alone. Brian was there. His sassy demeanor melted away, as he cried with me. There were no words spoken, none needed to be. We both just knew what was happening. Seeing one of my peers mirror my own heartache, permitted me to accept what was happening. I think I asked, “She’s dying?” and I think he answered. Truth is, I’ll never know if any words were spoken. In the silence of that ER room, Brian told me everything I needed. In the silence was his compassion. In seeing his face, I knew everything I needed. At that moment she was dying, but Brian’s quick assessment helped her recover enough to be with us for a few more days. During those days she was able to spend time with all of her children, family, and close friends. A gift that may not have been afforded to us without Brian’s leadership. In my heart, I will always be a critical care nurse. I am drawn to question things. The script of what could have been done differently plays in my mind every day. Without a doubt, I couldn’t wish for better care.
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