Ellen Loop, RN

My son is currently a patient in the NICU and has been for a little over a month now. We had to take him 2 months early due to my failing health. I was an emotional wreck. I kind of knew what to expect as my daughter was born at 34 weeks and spent 5 days in the NICU. Well, honestly, it was not what I expected this time; it was different. He had a special bed, feeding tube, IV, and high-velocity oxygen. He was tiny, 4lbs 10oz but dropped to 4.2 lbs. The 'mom guilt' overcame me but I wore a poker face, after all, I myself am a pediatric nurse. I thought - it’s going to be ok; it will go fast; we will be out in 2 weeks. Days came and went. I touched him through the hand-holes and sat looking and talking to him. Ellen was our nurse one day and was the first nurse to ask me if I wanted to hold him. She helped me get situated and placed him on my chest. I began to feel my eyes burn. It finally felt real and my guilt was taking over. Ellen could tell I was emotional although I attempted to hide it. She explained what the equipment was, and what it was doing to help me open up and ask questions. I did! I told her how bad I felt that I was unable to carry him longer and was scared and felt guilty. She comforted me and explained things I already knew but needed to hear. I was scared that he wouldn't bond but she pointed out ‘he knows mom is mom’ and pointed out how he melted into me while skin-on-skin. He was happy and content. Ellen has since continued to go above and beyond, pushing him, caring for him, keeping me informed, and never treating me as a nurse, but as a mom. A mom who is being brave for her little boy NICU warrior. *Also, going through my little girl’s NICU photos – we found out Ellen was her nurse on her delivery day. I have a photo of my baby and Ellen’s name badge can be seen as she’s caring for her in NICU.