I was honored to be Xiaohang's preceptor when she first walked into the wonderful field of ICU nursing back in August 2010. I proudly watched as she gradually became an excellent nurse who managed critically ill patients. On the other hand, I also worried because she was very sentimental and always too emotionally involved with patients. I still vividly remember early on when one of our patients died after resuscitation, how fear and desperation stopped her so that she could only stand by the bed, grieving with tears in her eyes, unable to know what to do or to perform as a competent member of the team. Five years later, on August 17th, 2015, she posted on her WeChat (a social software, similar to Skype) "I've been into your life, providing care and love as you walk towards the end of it…" I realized then that I knew what had touched her and changed her—it was another death!
As a team leader, I worked with Xiaohang to care for a patient—W. I witnessed firsthand how she treated W with a heart full of love as if she were taking care of an infant. She believes that people behave like an infant when they grow old and became dependent. She talked to W gently each time before any procedure. For example, she would say: "Grandma, we are going to change your position …" before we turned her. W was under light sedation at that time, but she nodded her head and the expression on her face changed in a peaceful and satisfied way. She even reminded me to give the best care by saying, "Can we please be gentle because Grandma has already been in lots of pain?" Another time, I saw her holding W's hand, with her face close to the patient's and asking, "Does it hurt here? I will massage it for you, OK?" She carefully touched W's face, hands and moistened her lips with a swab. W lay there connected to a ventilator, quietly enjoying what Xiaohang offered, and the contented expression appeared on her face as usual. Xiaohang turned to me as she found I was looking and delightedly explained to me, "Grandma has rheumatoid arthritis. Her joints are deformed, but her hands feel so soft and smooth. And her face; look at her cheeks! She is so cute." I knew then that Xiaohang approaches nursing with a tender and soft heart!
The next night, we worked together on another resuscitation, just like five years ago. The patient being resuscitated was hers—Grandma W. Contrary to her behavior of five years ago, this time Xiaohang remained so calm, yet continued her duties in an orderly manner, cooperating professionally with physicians and other staff and not overwhelmed by her own emotions. Although 43 minutes of resuscitation seemed short, it is a long time to carry on the procedure and the family decided to give up and let her go.
Xiaohang walked to W's side and picked up her hand giving her the gentle touch just as usual. She washed the patient's face, moistened her lips with a swab and gave her a massage for the last time. This special care and love that happened in the past 12 hours were the things she was talking about on WeChat: "I've been into your life, providing care and love as you walk towards the end of it …"
W's eyes were not entirely closed yet. Probably, at that very last moment of her life, she wanted to remember Xiaohang's face!