I went to a routine OB GYN appointment at 2 days of 18 weeks pregnant with a baby boy that we tried for six months. Blood pressure was perfect. Weight was steady. My doctor tried to find his heartbeat. I wasn't nervous. I just thought that my baby was being difficult. We went into a dimly lit room and he tried to find it with an ultrasound. A few minutes went by when he placed his hand on my knee and said the words that echo in my mind "I'm sorry. There's no heartbeat." I closed my eyes and tried to process the information that was just given to me. How? I had made it to my second trimester. I was almost halfway there. Then came the discussion of next steps. I was too far along for any outpatient options and the only option that seemed right for me was to be admitted to the hospital and begin the process of inducing labor and then delivering my baby boy.

The morning I arrived I was nervous anxious and angry. I was quiet. My nurse came in with a gown and said to take my time and that she would be back. I sobbed and then got prepared for the worst day of my life thus far. My nurse Joyce apologized that we were going through this. Then explained things so that I would understand them. She asked if both of us (not just me) needed anything. I'm not sure if I was the only patient she had but she made it seem like she was completely available to us for anything. She slowly went through the paperwork and explained options with funeral homes and arrangements. It was daunting and it was painful but how she handled the situation made it feel like she cared. I remember being so nervous for her shift to end. She provided comfort on a personal level. It felt like she was grieving with us.

After shift change, she came in and let us know that she was staying on until we delivered. I have never felt more relieved. Her kindness and service NEVER stopped. If she took a break we didn't know it. Joyce was constantly available and often just kept us company. When the delivery took place she was right by my side. She was there holding my hand and letting me know everything was going to be OK. She took pictures of us with our son that we will cherish forever even if they aren't happy pictures. She cried with us. Joyce had cried with us all throughout the day but when the delivery was done she sobbed. It felt like I had family there with me in that room.

When she was preparing to leave she came in and asked us both if she could hug us. We had just been through the worst thing a parent can think of. She hugged us. She held us as we all cried. She told us that she would pray for us and that she wished us well. She said we would make it through this. I don't think she realized how much she touched us. I honestly could not imagine what that experience would've been like without a nurse as kind and caring as she was. If nothing else I need her to know how important she was to our experience. It was an awful thing I wouldn't wish on anyone but Joyce made it something bearable for the time that she was there. Like my grandma was there.