I first met Kris the day after my daughter was born at 27-weeks' gestation. I was in her room in the NICU, traumatized, overwhelmed, in shock and grieving. Kris was not our nurse that day, but when he saw me standing in the doorway with my pumping supplies, evidently looking lost, he came in and very patiently and thoroughly explained how to capture, store and label any colostrum and later milk that would come in, as well as how to clean the supplies and where to store them for the next pump.
It might have seemed like a little gesture, but to me it felt like an anchor. And from a nurse not even responsible for my baby that day. I felt a bit of confidence in that at least I knew now how to properly take care of my colostrum and milk. The only tangible thing I could do for my daughter. We were fortunate enough to have Kris assigned to our daughter as her primary nurse. Since that second day in the hospital, Kris has changed my life for the better. Every single shift, he sits and talks with me about my daughter's care and progress, answering my thousands of questions with empathy and concern for her well-being, in the NICU and beyond.
He shares his knowledge and wisdom in a way that I can understand and process without the clinical statistics he knows I don't do well with. I know without a doubt, and it allows me to leave the hospital and go home to sleep, that our daughter is in experienced and compassionate care.
Kris has connected with me about the care of my baby as well as on a personal level. I appreciate that Kris shares information about his family, particularly about his kids because it has allowed us to connect as parents. I tease Kris that he's a therapist as well as a nurse because he listens to my fears and concerns and offers wise advice that has helped me maintain some peace. For me, it's critical to feel heard and understood so I can trust my wishes are taken into consideration. Kris has spent so much time with me when he didn't need to, walking me through what each of the monitors show, what each of our baby's probes do, what the next milestone means, and where we are now, allowing me to be as involved in understanding her care as possible. And I very much trust he cares about my baby as he is incredibly gentle with her, has funny jokes with her about her more opinionated personality traits ("No one tells this girl what to do!") and keeps in contact with other nurses about her progress even when he isn't working. He is as delighted with milestones reached as I am. Today he excitedly pointed out my baby's eyes during cares, which were open and searching for the first time. What a special person and nurse to connect with our baby and family so much that the terror of being in the NICU is eased. It allows me to be a calmer and better mom, wife and daughter.
Each doctor and nurse has a different style and way of communicating potentially life-changing and distressing information. I've never felt as helpless and fearful as I have in delivering a 27-week baby. Some doctors and nurses have communicated risks in a way that for me is incredibly stress-provoking. When explaining the risk for NEC in the very beginning of our NICU stay, Kris gave an overview of the condition and the risk factors associated. He then left and came back awhile later, asking if he had given too much information. He clearly recognized the stress on my face and since then, has gently filtered, while still delivering important information I need. When answering questions, I can see him thoughtfully considering how to answer in a way that will serve our family best. I know it is from the lens of a parent to another parent. I am grateful for the communication style adopted by Kris as it has reduced the stress inherent in a NICU experience.
Kris is also very good at contextualizing each new piece of information. For example, our baby's weight gain and loss is monitored closely and important for her overall development. In anticipation that she might not have big gains every day, Kris constantly reminds me that we're looking for trends. He checks in every shift about this, and reassures me that a small gain is just part of the whole picture, just as a small loss might be. Another example, our baby had her first ROP eye exam in which her retinas were too immature to accurately assess. Kris sat down and told us how the tests and eyes work and explained what we can continue to expect with each ROP test, even in the case of evidence of retina issues. Because he takes such care to explain every step, I feel prepared and confident to better handle her tests.
Kris has our baby's best interest at heart. This means that I don't always get what I want, when I want it. Thank goodness for that! Here are several ways he has set safe boundaries: Instructing my family on safe voice levels when our daughter was easily able to over stimulate and conversely, advising on when and how to start introducing noise so she is set up for success when coming home. Explaining very thoroughly how feeding cues are scored and how oxygen support impacts how quickly we can nuzzle in preparation for breastfeeding. Kris errors on the cautious side, which I appreciate immensely. He wants our baby to have only a positive experience and avoid choking on milk from jumping the gun. I want her to have a positive experience too!
Kris is so gentle with our girl and has taught me how to implement important PT recommendations so as to protect her body from undue stress. I had never (!) changed a diaper before, and changing a diaper on a two-pound baby is even more intimidating. Kris taught me how to hold her hips up so her knees are protected.