A co-worker of Marcia Robinette's, encouraged her to capture her incredible year-long story on paper to share with others. It was read at the nursing shared leadership council in June and had the members in tears. All were proud of Marcia and the way she was able to set aside her personal feelings to give everything she had to this family. It is a true reminder of why we are all in the profession of Nursing. Here's her story:

I met her when she came in for a labor evaluation. Knowing about the complications of her pregnancy, I was worried that she was actually in labor, and that I was going to have to take care of her and deliver her baby without being prepared for it. You never know how to prepare for patients when there are complications. The baby was diagnosed with Full Trisomy 18 at 21 weeks gestation. This is often a condition referred to as being incompatible with life.

I never would have imagined the impact meeting this patient that day would have had on my life. I evaluated her, listened to her baby's heart rate, and talked to her about her pregnancy and what had been going on that day. She had been having contractions for a little while, and she just wanted to make sure she wasn't going into labor. She was alone.

After determining that she was not in labor, I went to prepare her discharge paperwork. I gathered up the normal discharge info, and I also obtained information about Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, a known organization that takes photos for families suffering loss. Since she was going home, I wanted her to have the information and plan for every opportunity possible to see her baby, and have the best pictures she could possibly have. This organization could do that for her. Once we reviewed her discharge info, we just talked. We talked about her pregnancy, her sweet daughters, how she was coping, how her family was coping, and her life overall. This pregnancy was a life change for this woman. And what a connection I was beginning to feel to her.

I discharged her. She left. And I spend some time in tears. I cried for what she was feeling, and what she was going through, and what she was going to have to go through and experience. The hard days were yet to come. Labor and Delivery had not come yet. She had not met her baby yet.

A while later, her provider contacted me and let me know how appreciative she was of our talk. She also informed me that she was going to be setting up her induction for a Saturday and since she knew I'd be working, she felt it would be great to have me take care of her.

How overwhelming! This was a situation that I knew was going to end in the loss of a child. The baby was diagnosed with anomalies that would eventually cause her to pass, we just didn't know when that time would be. Most people think that nurses can deal with anything! Not true! This nurse likes happy, with a little adrenaline here and there, as long as it ends in happy! No sad, and no death. Death shuts me down. I avoid death. And everyone that I know and work with knows this. I couldn't possibly take care of her knowing her situation.

Or could I? She needed me. We talked and we bonded. And she needs a familiar face; someone strong to help her through this. It's not fair for me to be so selfish and think that I can't deal with this when SHE'S the one dealing with it. I started preparing for that day weeks in advance. I knew the day was coming for so long. When she arrived, I was so nervous, but knew it was my day to be strong for them. "This isn't about me" I kept telling myself. "This is about them. This is their child. It's not your loss!" We started the process, and the rest is quite blurry. I remember labor going quick. I remember the delivery. I remember how sad it was and how scary it was for them. I remember the room, and the silence, and the tears. I remember holding their child for the first time. Seeing her sweet face; Her tiny body.

She was born without a heartbeat.

We did all the "normal" delivery stuff, and then gave the family some time. When they were ready, I took some pictures, footprints, and all the "typical" mementos we do for patients. Because I was prepared for this delivery, I had brought in some extra stuff for this day. It was Christmas time, so I brought in a red ornament and some paint. I painted her foot and put a footprint on an ornament for them. We did molds of her feet. We dressed her in her clothes and took as many pictures as we could. This is all they would have to take home to remember their sweet baby girl.

The weekend was a whirlwind of emotion. Caring for someone that loses a child is not easy. It's trying on everyone's emotions. Sending them home was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I am so lucky to be a part of this family's story! They were placed in my life to teach me so much! While this is absolutely about patients, and what we do for them, I feel like they have done so much for my heart! I didn't ever think I was so capable of caring for a situation like theirs. Not willingly anyway. I avoid death. I avoid scary, sad, and heartache. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and try not to have it break in front of too many people.

After the delivery, the father hugged me and thanked me for all I've done for their family. He made me cry, because in reality, it's all they have done for me and they impact they had on my life. They've shown me how to be strong; how to support people without needing to be the "tough guy". They will always and forever be the family that changed my heart.