A and A’s NICU journey started when I was pregnant. I didn’t know that then, but it did. When you get a diagnosis of Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome in pregnancy, you are prepared to lose one or both of your children. I think many parents enter the NICU with stress and worry. That was not the case for my partner and me. Our initial feeling getting to the NICU was relief. A and A being outside of my body meant they had a better chance of being safe. That was a feeling I had never expected to feel- certainly not one I felt in the three pregnancies before this one. Being a family of seven was the prayer we prayed the day of surgery when A and A were in my belly. That day, the flow of my placenta was corrected between them by a surgeon at CCHMC. I can’t really put into words what it is like to live through that surgery and how it changes how you feel about ultrasounds. Instead of being excited to see my babies growing inside of me, I waited to hear two heartbeats. On their birthday, we celebrated the fact that our babies were alive and were part of a family of seven. We embraced being NICU parents.

Eventually TTTS relief led and celebrating the NICU led a different reality. I was off bedrest and able to be the mom I wanted to be to A and A’s three older siblings but that also meant I had to accept that I couldn’t be a mom who was in two places at once. I didn’t really understand what it meant when Amber Hiske (who worked night shift) told me that she would like to primary A. But I did get the feeling that it meant she would take care of both my girls in my absence. I am not sure if I knew at the time that meant she would also find a way to take care of my husband and me.

Our daughters would face things in the NICU that we weren’t prepared for. Amber knew what we needed before we needed it. She would translate things to us the doctors were saying and helped us trust the medical team even when we could not meet them face to face. I think it’s important to mention now that we live in Harlan, Kentucky. That is three hours away from the NICU at KCH. The day that it set in that I could not be two places at once, I had a rush of feelings I never expected to have. I realized that feeling guilty outweighed feeling thankful, and I was not sure what to do with it. I remember when the social worker whose name is on all the posters about Postpartum walked into A’s room. I don’t know if it was Amber who called her but I know Amber encouraged me to let her help me. She helped take the scare out of getting help for myself and if she had not done that, I might still be in a place that the term “Mom Guilt” does not begin to describe.

Shortly after that day, I think Amber found the yin to her yang, and A had a dayshift primary in Mary Plymale. They celebrated milestones with my daughters, were the voice of my worries to her medical team, and made me feel like it was ok to be with my other children back home in Harlan. When I say they have a yin and yang dynamic, it’s because the way they took care of me was different. How they took care of my twins was the same. But Mary listened while Amber taught. Mary is a quieter person than Amber but an equal advocate for babies. I was finally feeling in a good place, getting more comfortable with half my heart being in Lexington while the other half was in Harlan.

The boom. The phrase “when it rains it pours” also did not do justice to what I was about to feel. When it rains, it thunders, lightnings, and pours seems more like it. The medical team called me and said our daughter A would need a shunt. Brain surgery. It was something both of her primaries knew was a possibility and they had prepared me for but I had been hoping we could avoid it. I took in the information while I physically felt awful. I had COVID-19. While the first surgery A endured to save her life was performed, I was awake and almost too present for as I laid on the operating table to treat the TTTS that I was diagnosed with, the second surgery would be brain surgery and I would be in quarantine miles away from her. By that time, Amber and Mary had made her medical team feel like they were on my team, too. They asked that social worker to advocate for an allowance so my parents could be with A that day. I remember when the doctor FaceTimed me when she came back from surgery. I am not certain what I thought a shunt would look like but a giant mountain on her head is what it felt like. But I took my cues from Amber and Mary. If they were cool with it, so were we. I watched her on the NIC-View camera at a rate I never had before. But I also knew if she started feeling pain, she would have a voice in Mary and Amber.

I think one thing you envision when you know you are pregnant with twins is rolling them out of the hospital in a double stroller. That is not how it happened; Twin A came home weeks before A. Mom guilt started to set in once again as I had to walk out of the NICU with only one of my girls. If that wasn’t enough stress, A started taking her bottles less often after her brain surgery. When I would call to check on her, the nurses would tell me that they had to tube her feedings because she refused to bottle feed, but Amber and Mary seemed to be the main nurses who were able to get her to take her bottles during this struggle. The struggle to eat continued and the doctors then informed us of another surgery as Anderson was needing a g-tube because she was getting closer to being able to come home. Once again, Amber and Mary came to my rescue. They explained everything to me and even mentioned minor details that are a big deal to parents.

Overall, I want you all to know that while I was present in the NICU, I experienced so many different nurses, but I feel like God placed Amber and Mary in both of my girls' lives so that their vitality of life could improve. This is where Amber and Mary set the bar high as NICU nurses. From the moment that I first met both of them, they took their jobs seriously. They cared for my babies in a way that made my heart happy. I watched as they cuddled my girls, talked to my girls, played lullabies for my girls, and bonded with my girls. I watched as my girls cried in distress with some nurses, but I also watched as my girls settled with calmness as they heard Amber’s voice as her shifts started during the evenings, and I watched as they would drift off to sleep just because Mary took a few moments to nurture them and rock them to sleep. I truly believe that Amber and Mary made my girls feel safe and loved while in the NICU, and I believe that with everything in my heart, my girls thrived because of the love, care, and support that these two gave them! A always seemed so content with Amber, so I nicknamed her our NICU Mama because she took care of her and loved her like a mama would. A lot of people in the elk hallway knew the nickname I gave her. I just wish all other nurses and social workers were like these caretakers so that other families could experience a little bit of calmness during their storm. I will forever be grateful for them! I just hope that I was able to do justice with my words because they were so much more to me during our 94-day stay than what I feel like I was able to put into words. They are very sincere ladies and I know that they will continue to help new NICU families as they did ours.