To anybody else, my story might seem nothing unusual or out of the ordinary. However, to me, it is an ongoing journey that, without Nikki and the fantastic staff at the fertility clinic, I would not have had the patience, resilience or confidence to continue.
I would have given up long before now and want to thank Nikki and the team for everything they have done and continue to do for me and my husband. I want to thank them for giving me a story to tell. I first met Nikki about 14 months ago after me and my husband were referred to the fertility clinic at the Queens Medical Centre. We had been trying to start a family for a year or so, with no success. To anyone who has been through the process, you'll understand. But to anyone who hasn't, it's really hard to relate to. You never think it will happen to you, why would it? That's just something that happens to other people. Well, that's what I thought too. When I went for my first appointment I felt a mixture of anger (why me?), guilt (why am I wasting the nurses time? I don't belong here!), Shame (you can't talk about these things, can you?) and for the first time in many years, genuinely scared.
Nikki was the nurse we met on our first visit. It's hard to explain what she's done because it has not been an instant process. But over 14 months, she had done something. At the first meeting, she just explained everything, from the number and types of treatments that were offered, what those treatments entailed and their success rates. This is probably what any ordinary nurses would do but Nikki took the time, genuine time, to do anything for us. She had this ability to make me feel differently - not so angry and slightly less guilty, slightly less ashamed and slightly less scared and that's a skill that not many people have.
Over the months that followed, our treatments continued. From one drug to another, one procedure after another and many, many scans. At each and every one, the team was there for us, explaining everything. Nikki and the team have even given us the chance to adapt and alter our treatments as we've preferred and judged appropriate from our readings. They've been willing to try new and different treatments for us - anything to help us reach our goal. I'd love to say that our story has a happy ending, and maybe one day it will, but for the moment, it's still unfinished. We continue to visit the fertility clinic a couple of times every week for our treatment, and my husband, myself and the fertility staff get happy, sad and intrigued by the outcome of each visit.
For everything Nikki and her team have done for us, I can't thank them enough. Nikki, thank you. I am no longer angry, guilty, scared or ashamed. I'm calmer, braver and proud. You've given me the chance to be a Mum, a chance that one day might pay off, and that regardless of the outcome, I simply wouldn't have had without you.