My uncle was 54 and suddenly went into cardiac arrest in my mother's car, then was later transported to St. Luke's. It was sudden, unexpected, and emotionally excruciating - but Shelby made it easier for me and my mother. My family and I have a long history of trauma with healthcare systems and providers who have treated us poorly. My uncle especially had these experiences which I believe led him to avoid healthcare, resulting in his early demise. However, that weekend at St. Luke's was the first time I felt like providers actually cared and were doing everything in their power to keep D alive.
Shelby was our nurse during the very last hours of his life. She was the picture of perfect bedside manner. She made sure all our needs were taken care of, gently explained what was happening, and listened with patience. At one point, I looked at her and thought "I bet she sees sad things every day". I cried and told her I was sorry that she had to see sad things every day and she hugged me and comforted me. I felt like she genuinely cared. She was there when his heart stopped beating. She gave us all the time we needed, and I didn't feel rushed. As we were leaving, she thanked us for letting her be a part of the process. I remember she told me "It sounds like D was an ornery patient, and the ornery ones are my favorite type". And she meant that - she wasn't being sarcastic. D was considered a "difficult patient" by many, but if you look deeper a difficult patient is simply someone with medical trauma trying to protect themself. Our entire family is comprised of "difficult patients". Providers hate having to deal with us, but at that moment, he was finally someone's favorite. I think maybe if D was somebody's favorite type rather than the most dreaded patient to deal with, things would have been different. I think if D had a Shelby sooner, maybe he'd still be alive.
I may not remember everything she did or said, but I remember how she made me feel. She's soft and empathetic and that's what I needed most. I still think about the kindness she gave me - that helped me heal a lot.