Throughout my second pregnancy, I had planned for a VBAC. Upon learning that I was carrying an overachieving acrobat inside of me who decided to turn breech, I was overrun with emotions. My first pregnancy ended in a pretty traumatic experience with a cesarean. In four years, I have struggled to think back and find much joy in the experience of giving birth.
Given that we only had a couple days to process this and head into Bronson for our cesarean, I had to attempt to get a handle on my emotions pretty quickly. I thought I had it covered pretty well, then in walked Suzie. Her compassion and expertise were evident from the beginning. I remember feeling very relieved when I found out that she'd be in the OR with us. But I felt the most incredible quality she showed me that day was her impeccable communication abilities. I hadn't really addressed my emotions at all, I just thought I had! There was a lot of trauma and fear from my first delivery that I didn't want to revisit.
Had Suzie not come into our story, I would have risked having a similar situation to my first birth. Even though I knew I wanted everything to be different this time around, I wasn't sure how to say what I was feeling.
She was... Amazing. She pulled all the feelings out of me in that triage room. She allowed me to be raw and honest about the delivery with my first child. She validated my fears. She listened. She assured me that she would give me her all to make this time different. And boy, was it ever.
I am forever grateful to her for the memories that I have of Jack's birth. The whole experience was beautiful. One of the things we talked about was my regret for not having any photos from the delivery with my daughter. I gave her permission to take photos of us on my phone, and they are now some of my most cherished memories. They are absolutely amazing.
My only hope is that she somehow understands what she did for me. There were 4 years of bottled up feelings that she processed effortlessly with me. The interaction I had with her that day has started a much deeper healing process within myself. When I reflect on this birth experience, I tell others that I am so thankful that I got to have another cesarean. I got a do-over. And because of Suzie, it went exactly as it should have.
Thanks for being a bright star in our journey, Suzie. We appreciate you.