It has been nearly four months since the passing of my husband in ICU. Being in a hospital can be daunting even under routine circumstances, let alone when one is put in the position of making life and death decisions. R was transferred to the Intensive Care Unit. His situation was grim. On that bleak morning to my good fortune, I came in contact with a very outstanding nurse who was assigned to my husband's case. I work in healthcare but it is totally different when you are on the receiving side of care and decision-making. It is especially daunting when one is emotionally invested and afraid. I found myself in the midst of a very tragic situation trying to do what was right but not knowing what best to do and when to do it.
The nurse I will be ever grateful to is Carolyn. To my great fortune (divine intervention I think) she was working a per diem shift. The intensity and magnitude of the situation as the spouse of a dying man is difficult to capture in words. My processing of information was slowed and blunted. The fear of the unknown that I was feeling complicated the situation. It could only be a skilled bedside nurse who could help me make sense of the senseless situation. Carolyn created an environment of trust as she cared for her patient/my husband and for every person who was present in the room. A bedside nurse in a tragic situation is like an earth angel. I cannot stress enough the indispensable role these nurses play in health care. Carolyn was this person for me. She was patient and kind and answered questions. I'm sure I asked the same questions over and over again. She thoughtfully answered them as many times as it took for me to process the information. Kindly and compassionately she repeated the answers.
All day long she treated R with respect and dignity. She showed such great compassion for a dying person at the end of his life. She really took care of everyone who was present during R's final hours. She answered their questions and reassured everyone. I was able to move forward with the decision to change R's status to comfort care when I did because of this bedside nurse and my trust in her abilities. That was an enormous decision and a huge compliment to Carolyn and all the nurses who work at the bedside in these critical situations. As I move forward in my ever-changed world, I look back with gratitude to this nurse who crossed our path that morning.