My wife was 18 weeks pregnant and we ended up having to go to the emergency room where we were told that our baby no longer had a heartbeat. Due to how far along she was, we were told that we would have to deliver the baby. We were scheduled to go into the hospital to get everything started at midnight but the longer we sat at home, the harder it was getting to be there, so we decided to go in a few hours early. We checked in and Osia showed us to our room. As we walked into the room, we both looked over and saw where they put the baby after he's born to clean him and wrap him up, needless to say, we lost it.
I expected for the nurse to walk out and give us some time but she didn't, she chose to stay in the room and comfort me and my wife. She told me and my wife that she too had lost a child in the last year. We managed to pull ourselves together for a minute and she was holding and hugging my wife, she sat with her by the bed and explained everything step by step. In that moment, my wife connected with her in a way that really surprised me. She talked to us about how she's been dealing with everything and gave us some much-needed answers to some questions. My wife doesn't take medicine well (hates taking pills or doing anything that makes her feel anything other than normal) and somehow, she managed to keep her calm for her IV and bloodwork and medication.
Once my wife was settled in and she walked out of the room, my wife and I were talking about how hard that must be to lose a child and bring up that pain. She even cried with us. She didn't have to bring up all her personal feelings and pain to comfort or relate to us, but she did. I've been told she doesn't talk about her daughter with just anyone but I'm sure glad she opened up to us. Being in the hands of someone who has gone through the same pain that you are feeling really seemed to help my wife. A friend of ours works at the hospital and said she walked around the corner of the hallway and saw Osia sitting on the floor outside of our room crying. She was feeling our pain and hers all over again.
When my wife was ready to get her epidural, she was right there on the side of her bed, face to face, hand in hand. She did everything she could to keep my wife calm. Once it was time to deliver the baby, she and the doctor were absolutely as amazing as you can possibly be in that situation. Once the baby was born, the doctor explained the babies form and told my wife that she thinks he's okay to see. I walked out of the room knowing that I wasn't ready for that. She and my wife were in the room with the baby and my mother-in-law came to help comfort us. When she walked out, I was in the little waiting room sitting down trying to understand why this was happening, I didn't say a word, she didn't say a word, she knew what I needed and she walked over and gave me a big long hug and she cried with me. I had been trying to hold it all in and she pulled herself back and looked at me and she said, "it's okay to not be okay". I needed to hear that more than she knew and somehow she knew to say it.
Once the epidural was worn off and we could go home, she came in and explained all of our options with the baby and gave us some advice that I feel like only she could give. She said she was going to come in and take the baby and that we could go when we were ready. I still hadn't seen my son at this point. When she came in to get him, I asked for 5 more minutes and she gave them to me. I had been battling with "is this how I want to remember my son, do I really want to see him?" Then I thought about her telling me "it's okay to not be okay". She was right, I was going through the hardest thing I'll ever go through and she knows exactly how I'm feeling right now. Here's a woman who would do anything in the world to see her daughter one more time, this is my one more time. No more sonograms, no more little kicks while lying in bed and feeling my wife's stomach, no more pictures of him growing, no more morning sickness, holding my wife's hair, no baby shower, no birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving or baseball games, this is it, this is the last time I have to see my son, to see my wife hold our baby boy. Needless to say, I made the most of those few minutes and I couldn't be happier that I made the decision to see him. I give that credit to Osia.
I can't put into words the feelings and support that we had from her. She told us before we left that as much as we felt like we needed her, she felt like God put us in her care because she needed us. She gave us her phone number and told us that if we ever need anything to call her. Again, I don't have the words to express how amazing of a woman she is. We went for a drive a week after losing our boy and ended up on a beach. I always take pictures of my wife when she isn't looking. That day was no different. When we were heading home, my wife said, "babe how did you get that light in that picture?" I didn't know what she was talking about. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and yet, there was a straight beam of sunshine shining down on her as she walked the beach. We firmly believe that's our baby boy shining down. There isn't any other explanation. We think about our boy and our new friend every day. Though we don't always understand God's plan for us, we still feel blessed to have such great people in our lives.
Osia, I want to say thank you. I wish there was a way I could help you like you've helped me and my wife. We are forever grateful for who you are and how you chose to open your heart up to us and share your experience. You didn't have to do that, but you chose to. You brought up your own personal pain to help comfort ours. I don't have the words but just know that my wife and I have a lot of love in our hearts for you. I can't say it enough, from the bottom of our broken hearts, thank you.