Caitlyn, this is a time when words seem inadequate. You were exemplary!
I am sure it was obvious to you (and probably all the hospital staff) that B was not going to leave this facility alive. He had stage 4 lung cancer and treatment options had run out. However, everyone there kept that to themselves and allowed us to come to terms with the inevitable. B had a Medical Living Will that was five pages long and very detailed. Bless you,Caitlyn for doing every bit of that living will - everything you did was kind but some of your actions didn't make sense to me at the time. (I read it later, and everything fell into place in my mind.) B was intubated and may not have been aware of everything. It meant a lot to me that you were not only doing what you had to do but were also doing every detail of what B (your patient) had dictated/wanted.
Towards the end, I watched you skip meals, intensely monitor medical screens, heroically tend to B, and somehow be calm when talking to my boys. Caitlyn, you did all of this while cheerfully navigating through a crowd of family and friends.
Our son had to make the heart-wrenching decision to remove the breathing tube from his dad. Caitlyn, you were incredibly compassionate and patient in walking both of our boys through this process. You thoroughly explained to my boys the various procedures, medications (and effects), options of care, and eventual ramifications of each option of care. J had to make this decision based on his dad's wishes. It took an emotional strength that I did not know my son possessed. I believe that he was only able to honor his dad's wishes as it pertained to this situation because he was fully but gently informed by Caitlyn. Having to deal with grieving family members at work myself, I know this procedure had to be especially taxing and draining for you as you treated a family member on the edge of death. Wow, you performed well under pressure.
I could see the concern on your face as you watched the monitors attached to B, but you were always calm on the outside which easily transferred to us, the family. Again, you were amazing. In addition, you made sure that the chaplain was called for the people in the group that needed him and allowed us to say our goodbyes in a quiet room after he passed.
Caitlyn, I hope you get many letters like this so that you are reminded that what you do is just this side of a miracle to the families involved. You are probably often ignored in such an overwhelming time during the beginning of a family's grief. I have no idea how someone chooses your profession but am very thankful that there are people like you who do choose it. People die. I know that all too well, and you could not change that outcome for B. You did, however, make B's death compassionate and peaceful. In the short time, I was in your presence, you truly touched my heart. How lucky he was to have you as a nurse! If you ever wonder if it's worth it to be a part of such suffering, the answer is "yes". It has to be tough on you. Please know that the brief time you spent with me and this family will never be forgotten. You made a difference. Please continue your great service. Because of you, all B's final wishes were followed so that this family can move forward in peace. Thank you.