It was a moment we will never forget. Going in for a routine check of our beautiful baby at around 27 weeks pregnant. We were excited. We will get to hear our baby's heartbeat. It was an exciting time. Then our world got turned upside down.
I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and I had to deliver this beautiful miracle at 29 weeks. Our son was born with a full head of red hair and weighed 2lbs 4oz. Probably one of the bigger babies in the NICU, but to us so, so tiny. The possibility of losing our son was just unimaginable. I was so nervous, having another son at home with special needs, I could not be in two places at once. I was trying to figure out schedules, how to make this work and be there for my little fighter. Little did we know an angel was in that operating room to guide our little, tiny, baby boy from the night I gave birth through the crazy 78 days he spent in that NICU. That angel's name was Amy Bryant.
People call the NICU a roller coaster ride and we could not agree more. There are ups and downs. You have days that you just cry, then, there are days you celebrate! Sometimes both in one day. You hear monitors going off constantly. I remember leaving the room, only to run back to be sure my son was all right. We couldn't pick him up to comfort him like you would a full-term newborn. We could use our fingers and he would wrap his whole hand around it. I remember having monitors go off and looking so scared, what is going on?
Nurse Amy, who worked the night shift, used to talk to us like we were the only people there, even though she had several other really sick babies and families to take care of. She was there listening to us, she even helped us figure out how and when we could make it in the hospital without feeling like we were never there for our son. I remember thinking to myself, this room looks depressing with all the hospital monitors and medical equipment. Amy mentioned, get some blankets, when he is ready, put him in his own clothes, have his brother make him a card, put up pictures. It was hard because you never knew what tomorrow was going to bring. But, we did, and that made us feel like it was a little bit more like a home, versus a hospital room. We even walked in one morning and there was a pacifier that had a frog on the end. It seems like a simple concept, but it was something that made us feel special. It made us feel like our child was loved even though we were not always there.
I remember really getting scared one time because of oxygen levels dropping. I sat there with this look on my face, just true fear, not saying a word. Nurse Amy comes walking in calm as can be and looks at my face. I will never forget what she said. "Look at my face, you become scared when I become scared. If I do not look scared, you have no reason to be scared." I have to tell you, I thought about that line every time that monitor went off. I felt comfortable around her. I felt like I was being told everything, the good and the bad. I felt like I was being listened to. Our fears, our thoughts and of course our celebrations. She was there for every one of those days and would celebrate with us after a long, hard night or would be there to console us on the down days. We were afraid of the first bath. She was there every step of the way. "They are not as fragile as they look." She knew what we were thinking without having to say it. She knew how to explain stuff in a way we understood. She did not keep stuff from us but made us part of the plan. "We are going to try to take him off the high flow tomorrow... if you see him back on it when you arrive, do not be afraid. It is all about trying. Are you okay with that?"
We felt comfortable leaving the hospital at night and caring for our oldest child, trying to keep his schedule as normal as we could. Trust me, you never want to leave your child, especially when they are that fragile, but if we had to, we knew our child was in the best hands possible. He was held when he needed to be held, rocked when we could not be there, talked through every poking of needles, every shot, every pinprick. You cannot imagine the number of things these kids go through during a nightly cycle. I remember laughing because my son had to be that one that had the breathing tube in his nose and pulled it out constantly. Every time I went in, there was a new piece of tape on that tube. He wanted it OUT badly. He does have that red hair fighter attitude. We are sure he was the talk of the NICU at night with that attitude.
It cannot be easy being a NICU nurse, seeing these little babies day in and day out, going through so much, spending time with families trying to keep them calm when all they want to do is freak out. Amy does it with such grace, without thinking twice. She truly is one of our heroes.
We would never wish someone go through what we did, but I will be the first one to say, this is where you want to be and if you hear the name Amy Bryant, be especially thankful.