This world, this life, is beautiful and wonderful, but also terrible and scary. Sometimes it alternates back and forth between the two opposites, but sometimes it's all rolled into one. In those times where things are bad and good all at the same time, I have found that we really must choose what to focus on. In A's last week, there aren't a lot of good memories. Because of that, I have to work extremely hard to focus on the positives. Like the morning after she got sick when my wife, S, made her pancakes and I fed them to A while making them talk. The talking pancakes. A few other things like that are nice to remember. But after getting checked into the hospital and into the PICU, there are very few positive memories.
The only things that I can remember are the heroic efforts made by the PICU staff. Unfortunately, I try to block out most of those memories and it is difficult for me to recall exactly what happened or who did what. But if I live another thousand years, I will never forget what Jessica Smith did. She did things for my daughter that I'm sure I couldn't have done, and I would have done anything for her. A dying, or for that matter any 4-year-old girl dying, is so wrong. There is no way to pretend that it is ok. So, I felt that the only way to make the situation better was by doing something that is so right. And that thing is to recognize and honor the PICU staff. Especially Jessica. You are the representation of all that is right, in this world that is sometimes so wrong. Thank you so much.