I met Catherine on one of the most dramatic days in the life of our family. Really, my girls met her before I did. She was one of the NICU nurses who responded to the emergent delivery of my identical twin girls. My first encounter with Catherine was several hours later when I was able to visit the NICU for the first time. I knew my daughters were very sick, and she was very busy trying to keep T alive, but she still took the time to talk with my husband and me and to tell us all the positives along with things they were watching for. As the girls stabilized in the first 24-48, she started caring for both of our girls each shift that she was there, and she let us know that she had signed up to be one of their primary nurses. A familiar face, and a safe place each time we came into the NICU. Over the course of the next two weeks, Catherine showed us how to touch our girls so as not to hurt them, but to bring them comfort. She showed us how to change their diapers without shifting them too much in order to protect their developing brains. With every interaction, she was skillfully providing care for our twins, while simultaneously teaching us how to do the same.
Two weeks into our NICU journey, our world came crashing down. Catherine called me at 0730 on that Tuesday morning to let me know that T was not doing well. She had cared for our daughter enough to know just by looking at her that something wasn't right. T had taken a turn in the wee hours of the morning, and Catherine felt like I needed to come to the NICU earlier than my usual arrival time. By the time I arrived an hour later, protocols had already been set in motion and infection was suspected as the likely cause. Only time would tell how T would respond. As the day continued, we did not see the improvements we had hoped for. Our daughter continued to decline before our eyes despite the team's best efforts. When it became clear that medical interventions were no longer going to be able to help our daughter, it was Catherine who brought our angel baby into a private room and placed her in my arms for the first time. I knew the tears in her eyes at that moment were because she loved my daughter as much as I did. She had been with her during her first breath and her last. Catherine returned when we were ready with two gown options, along with hair bows and hats for us to choose from. She compassionately helped us bathe T and dress her for what would be the only time. I am sure Catherine had many other things she needed to tend to, as it was close to shift change, but in those moments, she made us feel like this was her most important task. We cherish those hours we were able to have with T for the rest of our lives.
Our time in the NICU did not end that day, our other daughter M was continuing to make progress, and beat the odds. Returning to the NICU was difficult after T passed away, Catherine and the girls' other primary nurse, recognized this and worked to get us in a private room as quickly as possible. Catherine was constantly on the lookout for things that might be triggers for our grief, like when the milk labels on the frozen breast milk had T's name on it, and she would warn us so we would not be caught off guard. Throughout our stay, Catherine continued to talk with us about T, recognizing she was a significant part of our NICU journey. Each time she cared for M, she cared for all of us. Rarely a shift went by that she didn't check on how we were doing also.
Over the course of the next 100 plus days, Catherine continued to go above and beyond in more ways than I can count. She had developed a beautiful bound with M, and it allowed her to notice things about M that others might miss. Catherine was one of the first to notice that M was her most relaxed and required less respiratory support when she was skin to skin with me. So even though it was difficult, and required lots of help, she advocated to allow us to be skin to skin every day M was stable enough, even on the ventilator. I truly believe this greatly impacted her progress. When it came time to take M off the ventilator, we had been told that we might not be able to hold her for a couple of days until she got used to breathing on her own. Catherine had a different idea; she thought M would stabilize faster if she was able to be in her happy place, on my chest. She also knew that M always did better when her primary nurses were around, and it just so happened that M's other primary nurse was also working the day of extubation. She made sure to get her and bring her into the room, so M had all the comfort she needed to be successful. As soon as M was safely placed on CPAP, Catherine carefully tucked her into my shirt; and she was right, M quickly settled comfortably into breathing on her own.
In her time with us, Catherine had learned that I wanted to breastfeed if possible. She started talking with a lactation consultant long before M was at a point to try oral feeding to develop a plan for giving us the best chance possible. She expertly communicated this plan and helped us prepare for those first opportunities to try. When it became apparent that nursing required too much energy for M, and we needed to used bottles, Catherine was quick to offer stories of other moms who had successfully transitioned back to breastfeeding later on. She validated for me that it was ok to be sad about one more thing that had not gone as planned, but also let me know that I hadn't failed.
We celebrated Easter in the NICU. One of the hardest parts about the NICU is the normal newborn moments you miss. Catherine recognized that M would not get to have the typical first Easter experience, and encouraged us to bring in a special outfit for her. That afternoon she helped us change her and put a bow in her hair. She said M was stable enough to take her CPAP mask off for a few pictures. This was the first time we have been able to see her plain face and take pictures together with her. In addition to this, Catherine had purchased a Wubanub lamb paci as an Easter gift for M.
I could write pages of examples of how Catherine (and many others in the NICU) have impacted our life. The way she has cared for my daughter and my family has inspired me to be a better nurse. Catherine had become more than just M's nurse, she is part of our family and she is truly a DAISY Nurse.