My family made the decision to move my grandparents to Florida from Massachusetts so they could be closer to family and receive better quality medical care. The two of them lived in Massachusetts for over 20 years. They retired from a busy life. My grandfather had several health issues before moving to Florida, but the stress of the move and all the traveling exacerbated his back issues. He was quickly admitted into the hospital due to a fall.
We found out that their house sold and my sister, mother and I along with my grandmother went back up to meet the moving company. We knew my grandfather was in excellent hands with my father and nursing staff at the hospital.
Unfortunately, our "vacation" was cut short. While packing up the house, covered in moving boxes and tape, we quickly found ourselves scrambling to find the next flight home as we got the news that my grandfather's health was declining. I received a call from EMS advising me that my grandfather was currently being taken to NCH Downtown Baker hospital as he had suffered a hemorrhagic stroke while in rehab from back surgery.
Upon arrival at the hospital, my family and I did not know what to expect. The staff in the ER gave us both the best- and worst-case scenarios. My grandmother was so distraught she did not want to listen to anything they had to say and obviously wanted the love of her life to get better so the two of them could begin their new life together in Florida. A few hours later in the ER and he was admitted into the hospital for observation and treatment. While in hospital care, he was combative and very uncooperative with the nursing staff as he was very agitated.
They had to place him under 24-hour video surveillance and put mittens on his hands so he would stop ripping out his IV and bandages off his arms. This made him even more agitated and upset. The nurses on duty were nothing short of amazing as they would speak to my grandfather to try and calm him down if they noticed he was upset. Due to his stroke, he was unable to speak and only moan. This made my grandmother even more upset and frustrated since she could not communicate with him. She sat next to the bed for hours making sure he was okay, watching for any signs of improvement.
During all this, the nursing staff was patient with her and allowed her to stay in the room whenever they needed to do anything. Within a few days, his health quickly declined, and he was unable to swallow, and the question of a feeding tube was brought up. This caused issues among family members. Obviously, my grandmother wanted him to get better so she agreed to it. However, my father and uncle decided against it as they knew my grandfather would not want another tube in his body and questioned the quality of life if he were to ever leave. This conflict created tension within the family, but we left the decision to my grandmother who told the doctor to go ahead and give it a try. She told my grandfather, "I need you to get better so you can come home with me." Even though you could barely understand what my grandfather would say, you could hear him say, "Help me, help me, I want to go home." However, we all knew this didn't mean he wanted to go home to their newly constructed home in East Naples.
After a few days, my grandmother found his living will inside one of the moving boxes. She sat down and read it and advised the family of his wishes. We discussed the options and quality of life and all decided to honor his last wishes. He did not want to be hooked up to tubes and machines or poked with multiple needles. This again left my grandmother in tears and she spent hours pacing the halls of the hospital asking herself and others what the right thing to do was. She was confused and wanted the best for her other half. Should she try everything in hopes of making him better or honor his last wishes and risk losing the love of her life? She was torn on doing the right thing to do and was vastly overwhelmed with confusion. Que the outstanding nursing staff.
My grandfather's nurse this week was Kristen Dotson. She went above and beyond her daily scope of nursing duties as when she went into the room to check on my grandfather, she could see the despair in my grandmother's eyes. Kristen personally, took the time out of her busy schedule to sit with my grandmother and explain all the options she had. She was able to calm her down and reassure her that it was going to be okay no matter what was going to happen. She also spoke to my grandfather as if he was her own family member and sat with my grandmother and hugged her and comforted her and even handed her pamphlets on recommended hospice care units. This put my grandmother at peace with what was happening and realized she was being selfish by trying to keep him alive.
After this day, my grandmother approached the bed and whispered into his ear, "It's going to be okay, you can go now. I love you." You could see the look of relief in my grandfather's eyes when she said this to him, and he instantly became calm. Kristen did not have to take the time out of her busy day of rounds to do what she did. She simply could have handed my grandmother a brochure with phone numbers and bushed her off as just another upset spouse who will figure something out. Instead, she personally invested her time and heart into my family and was able to calm the situation and place everyone's anxiety and worries at bay on the big question "what's next?"
My grandmother went from pacing and crying her eyes out due to denial of what the reality of the situation was, to being calm and accepting. Due to no improvement in his health in a week, my grandfather was moved into hospice care, where he again received excellent care by all. He sadly passed away. My grandmother still talks about Kristen to this day of how caring and patient she was with her. Without her heart-to-heart "TED Talk" with my grandmother, I do not think she would have made any of the hard to make decisions she did.
Of course, it is always hard to lose someone you love, but it sure does makes it easier when you have nurses like Kristen by your side. She understood that everyone grieves and handles crises in different ways and my grandmother just needed someone other than family to console her and calm her down during this difficult time in her life. Her husband has always been the one out of the two of them to make decisions, so this was extra hard for her.
Working in law enforcement, I see a lot of awful things. Unfortunately, death is sometimes a part of that. Nursing is a tough profession and I believe that nurses are greatly undervalued as they are the ones who are there when you need them to "fix" you. Even though we could not fix my grandfather, Kristen mended my grandmother's heart with peace, acceptance, and understanding. Kristen has reminded me that patience and compassion are two very important vital keys to opening the door to the families experiencing loss and grief.