A few weeks ago, I was in a really bad place both physically and mentally. I have been trying for the past year to be reduced off the Fentanyl patches I used for my pain control, which was a personal decision, and has not been easy. During this time, I was in the process of being tapered yet again, and my new prescriptions were not available for a few days, meaning I was without pain control and in excruciating pain. I sought out assistance from crisis services and CVMC ER but was sent home. As I left there I told myself I would never ask for their assistance again, never walk through those doors begging for help only to be turned away with not even a Tylenol.
The following night, however, in the same extreme pain and discomfort, having the same flashbacks and intense desire to end my life, I again called IPP. I spoke with the charge nurse, but I also spoke with the LPN on duty that night, Nikki. She is new to IPP, and to be honest, I don't usually talk to new people. But she was able to get me to trust and talk to her. She was able to get me to agree to call the ambulance, agree to pack a bag, and stayed on the phone as I did so. She talked to me, listened to me, distracted me. I had already made up my mind that I wasn't going back to CVMC ever again. I had been sent home from the ER just days prior, and I was in so much pain. I had resigned myself to ending things, made a plan and even had someone to take my cats. This was when both Nikki and the charge nurse knew I was at serious risk and needed to come in. My cats are my life. Nikki remained on the phone with me, and for that, I am forever grateful. Because I'm not sure I would have actually made it to the ambulance if she hadn't been engaged in conversation with me, keeping me distracted from my own self-harming thoughts. Between Nikki and Katy (charge nurse) I was able to get into that ambulance, get the help and return home where I am doing relatively well. I still have my not so good days, but nothing like those really bad days. I would like to thank Nikki for her compassion, kindness, understanding, and support of me during my very very difficult time.