This was the most difficult year of my life. After recovering from my own battle with an auto-immune disease called Aplastic Anemia, my wife and I got pregnant with triplets. At 27 weeks and 6 days, my wife had a hemorrhagic stroke. She delivered our triplets a week later and passed away from swelling complications shortly thereafter. My children spent 11 weeks in the NICU at Prentice under the guidance and care of an amazing team of doctors and nurses.
My family's stay in the NICU in the summer of 2018 was marked by kindness, compassion and gentle care. I am so grateful for everyone who made the effort to support my family as we stumbled through the most challenging time of our lives. I spent a lot of time considering whether or not I should submit a nomination for the DAISY Award because I was afraid that by singling out a particular person, I would offend or hurt others who I had grown close to. But after long reflection, I have decided that it is more important to recognize someone who made a huge difference in my life when I needed it the most.
When I reflect on 2018, I am amazed at how so many people who now play huge roles in my life were complete strangers to me at the beginning of the year. Losing my wife has been the ultimate tragedy, but I feel fortunate for all of the new people who stepped into my life in 2018 and became my friends and supporters as I grieved. And at the top of this list of people is Kelli Snider.
Kelli was one of our (ten!) primary nurses this summer. But I can't even call her our nurse, because the term nurse understates the role that she played and still plays in my life. In addition to the amazing care that she gave to my babies, Kelli acted as my role model, advocate, therapist, inspiration, and, most importantly, my friend.
Kelli taught me how to be a dad; she instructed me both in how to take care of my kids and how to care for them. I had no doubt that I could learn any task required and that I could endure any amount of hardship or discomfort, but I was afraid that I wouldn't be able emotionally connect or show the triplets the tenderness, compassion, and love that they needed from me in order to thrive. Kelli demonstrated to me, through the love that she felt for my babies and through the way she talked about and cared for her own children, what it was like to be a loving parent. Very quickly, I found that my fears were unfounded; that all I needed to do was to emulate Kelli and the triplets would have an amazing father.
Kelli was my advocate. Throughout a long summer rotation of doctors, fellows and residents, Kelli was the constant in our care. She was there from start to finish and could balance what was best for the kids with what was best for me. She deftly guided the care team towards solutions that worked for all of us. Kelli could read my frustration, fear, and anxiety and either offered me the correct information and perspective or asked the right question to the right team member to help put me at ease. Obviously clinically competent, Kelli knew how to safely challenge the children to grow, develop, and learn. I always felt that with Kelli, the kids were making progress and I was thrilled that all three of the children were able to come home before our due date. With Kelli, I never doubted the care plan and never feared that my children weren't safe, secure and loved.
Kelli was my outlet. She knew what it was like to lose someone tragically and out of nowhere. She knew what it was like to lose someone she loved to a stroke. And she knew what it was like to sit in that waiting room over on the 9th floor in Feinberg and to question everything you thought you knew to be true. But she never told me; she just listened, observed, asked questions and offered comfort. She engaged me in my own way, at my own pace. She could always read my mood and always offered the right words, note, or encouragement to lift my spirits. And in doing this, she made it possible for me to consistently return to the hospital where my wife died because I knew if she was there, that I was safe.
Kelli was my inspiration. Kelli's life was an example to me for how to rebuild your life after tragedy. She showed me that enthusiasm for life would someday return. She taught me that being a parent wasn't just a chore or responsibility; that it could be fun too. Kelli taught me to laugh again and to not always feel like I was carrying a heaviness around with me. Kelli showed me that if I just had faith and thought positively, that I someday again would have a life worth living.
Most importantly, Kelli is my friend. The entire summer, I dreamt of the day when I would bring my babies home. But when that day finally came, I was mostly just sad. Sad because I forgot that bringing the babies home meant saying goodbye to so many of my new friends, especially Kelli. Sad because I thought that I was losing a friend. But that wasn't the case; Kelli continues to show up in my life by regularly visiting and offering kindness, support and encouragement when I'm in need. I've never been so happy to be wrong.
When I think about the DAISY Award and what it represents, I can't possibly imagine recognizing someone other than Kelli for having a greater contribution to a group of people's physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. Without Kelli, this summer would have been unbearable, with Kelli, the four of us survived.
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I would like to share our story so that you may all know why I feel so passionately about Kelli's extraordinary nursing care to our entire family.
This nomination is late in coming to you only because of our unusual circumstances and how difficult it has been for me to get to a point where I could write about our situation. But the lateness in this nomination in no way diminishes it.
Our loving daughter gave birth to triplets in June, shortly after suffering a severe hemorrhagic stroke. She tragically died two days after giving birth to the 28-week triplets. They spent the next two and a half months in the NICU where we were blessed to experience the extraordinary nursing care of many, many NICU nurses. But Kelli's compassionate nursing care to me, our son-in-law, and our entire family is what stands out. She supported us throughout our difficult journey in the NICU.
I was staying at our daughter and son-in-law's home, as I live in Minnesota. I spent many days in the NICU visiting and supporting the kids. I was impressed right away by Kelli's relaxed yet professional nursing manner. She easily approached me and all of us with kindness and sympathy. She acknowledged our tremendous grief over K's death and supported us as we navigated through the mixed emotions of deep sadness, cautious optimism over the health of the triplets, and joy as they progressed over the summer. She could read our feelings and emotions and offered just the right "thing" at the right time. That could be kind words, a touch, a quote, a text, a picture, or even a cookie! I never felt alone when I was in the NICU when Kelli was there, even though this was the darkest time of my life and I was away from my home, most of my family, and friends. I could not have gotten through the summer without her support. Kelli is a caring and compassionate nurse. She is very clinically competent. She coordinated our care and connected us with all the team members that cared for the babies. She advocated for us and the babies when necessary. And she did so with ease. I came to feel great comfort in knowing she was there when I came to the NICU. And when I called in to see how the babies were doing when I was back in Minnesota, she put me at ease. She has continued to offer support to me after the babies were discharged and has taken time out of her busy schedule to visit us at their home where you could still feel her care!
Kelli is a true DAISY Nurse. Thank you.