“Hello, I’m Carly and I am going to be your nurse tonight.” My Dad was already nineteen days into his hospitalization when Nurse Carly entered the room speaking those words followed by a big smile that despite being hidden by a mask shone through her kind expressive eyes. The first thing that stood out about Carly for me was that she knew without being hinted at that despite having dementia Dad always prefers when medical people address him first. Considering the whirlwind pace at which hospitals move the tendency is to jump right into the process of getting the details regarding him from my mother and his family. Dad never likes when that happens. We believe that it makes him feel like he cannot contribute meaningfully to conversations. It leads him to feel talked over rather than spoken with. Thankfully Carly knew exactly how to get the ball rolling by having a ‘get to know you’ chat before diving into medications, doctor’s notes, and such. This is likely the reason that Dad took such a liking to her instantly. It is certainly why my mother, and I did.

Ten minutes into knowing her Carly already felt like a dear friend that had known all three of us for years. She picked right up on the fact that despite his dementia Dad sincerely appreciates and is put at ease by laughter and playful sarcastic humor. I said, “Hey Dad I wonder if Carly is named after Carly Simon one of your favorite singers?” “No.” She replied. “Unfortunately, I wasn’t named after Carly Simon but I could pretend I was if it would help!” Dad laughed.

This brings me to the second attribute that really stood out to me about Carly. She related to us that she read in his notes about his fondness for music. She asked all about the genres of music Dad enjoyed and even if he struggled to answer she helped him along and kept the conversation going. I found this to be very impressive because as a family that takes a lot of pride in being hands-on advocates, we assiduously read the nursing notes in the patient gateway online. The note referring to Dad’s appreciation of music was from over a week prior. Carly had done her homework and meticulously reviewed all of Dad’s notes before she even walked into the room. I found that to be exceedingly professional of her.

When Carly first was assigned to him it was at a very arduous point in Dad’s treatment. His cancer had relapsed, and he was on a new formulation of chemo that we were not very knowledgeable about. Carly’s demeanor inspired confidence in us that Dad would be well cared for. She is easygoing and somewhat soft-spoken, but she also exudes confidence and it’s evident how intelligent she is. She explained what to expect from his treatment and struck a very positive tone something we frankly needed.

The routine of being changed and cleaned in bed is a particular source of frustration for Dad. The combination of rigid and contracted muscle pain upon moving and the inability to perceive or understand why he must be turned and cleaned or catheterized for example makes for a swell of agitation. The happy joyful funny man that my dad is turns distraught and often involuntarily obstructive. Having observed and occasionally assisted over fifty different nurses tend to Dad’s hygiene over his ongoing two-plus month hospitalization I can attest to how remarkable it was when he was cared for by Carly. His agitation was minimal because of the thoughtful compassionate manner in which she treated him. She would habitually ensure that Dad was focused and attentive then she would explain carefully and simply exactly what she was going to be doing how it would be done and most importantly why it was necessary. Her calm cool demeanor set Dad at ease and made him so much more cooperative.

Carly comes across as friendly and caring but not in a way that feels contrived or artificial. Even when she is not assigned to him on a specific day each time, we pass her in the hallway she asks a thoughtful question or checks how we are all doing. When she is on duty but not assigned to be his nurse she nonetheless stops by his room and asks him how he is feeling and if there’s anything she can do for him. She’ll dependably have an anecdote about the times they have spent together when she was feeding him or caring for him or refer to something she has learned about Dad just to make him smile. After the fourth time she took care of Dad I mentioned to my mother that I wish the medical schools in the area could assign new nurses to follow Carly around as a template for them to emulate. Not surprisingly my mother agreed.

Carly Frazier is an excellent nurse and an even better person. She makes Dad’s experience as a patient so much better and ours as family members better as well. She has the type of compassion that must be intrinsic because it cannot be learned. She is thoroughly deserving of recognition.