Having my first C-section was scary. As a person who struggles with anxiety and a bad habit of wondering “what if...” I found myself questioning everything. As a response to the looming question, “What if something goes wrong and I die?” I got my last will and testament written and notarized. In response to “What if everything goes fine in surgery, but the baby’s lungs aren’t developed enough, and she dies?” I chanted like a football coach to my watermelon of a belly every night, "You better learn how to breathe real quick kid, don't play with me!" My husband laughed and said, “Yes, dear, bully the oxygen into her lungs. That should work.” I could give many examples of my “what if,” but since I thought of and dwelled on them for nearly 7 months, I can assure you the list is too long. Having a child, being out of your home, being cut open, and staying in a hospital can be nerve-wracking and uncomfortable, and I think nurses can forget that sometimes. So many nurses have a script, like what I had when I was a waitress, where they say the same quips and give the same answers day in and day out, and after a while, it feels like a reflex more than a response. These nurses get into their routine, and it feels like they forget that you are a human with a whole backstory and life. Chudney was not like this.

Chudney laughed with me. She made me feel as though I was safe and cared for, but not just in the medical sense. She made me feel like my hospital room was a party she couldn’t wait to return to. I never felt like she resented me for hitting that call light and bugging her about the laundry list of things that I needed help with. I was able to open up about intimate fears I had with her, like when we discussed pain management, and I felt like I needed to tell her I was a bit afraid to take the narcotics due to my history of addiction. My “drug of choice,” as they say, was alcohol, but some addicts’ drinking bone is connected to their “using” bone, and though I had never “used,” I was worried that I would not be the exception. I have seen the faces of many nurses and doctors drop when I have been honest about my history of alcoholism because, of course, so many of us do not recover. If we do, we are in and out of the program and sobriety in a way that has a terrible effect on our children and health. Chudney did not flinch when I told her about my history of alcoholism and addiction. She instead smiled brightly and congratulated me on my upcoming 4th anniversary of continuous sobriety. From what I could tell in the short amount of time I was blessed with her presence, I feel that she seems to have a way of focusing on the positive, of being a protector with a steady hand, of having a cheerful presence with a compassionate soul, and overall, just aiming for joy and taking whatever comes. Plus, she complimented my peach cobbler, and I suck at baking, so I know she really does care about my feelings. What a great lady!