The week of Thanksgiving, I gave birth to my stillborn daughter, at 20 weeks and one day gestation. I had to be kept overnight on 4 Center with symptoms of an infection. I've been a nurse for 11 years on 7 Center and at times get pulled to work on 4 Center. I was very nervous to be on a unit where I was going to be under the care of nurses that I work with, not because they aren't all fantastic nurses, but because of the devastating nature of my situation and having to face the reality with people that I knew. I knew that it would make the situation even more real.

I couldn't believe that this situation that I once had thought was unimaginable was now my reality and had always been in awe of the nurses who were able to step into those situations and help the families going through the loss of a baby. Jessica is one of those nurses. I knew Jessica from a conversation we had when she had been pulled to my unit about 6 months prior, when my husband and I were deciding whether or not another baby was the right decision for our family. Jessica, who has 3 boys, shared her story with me and it was great encouragement to me.

It felt very full circle, in the best and worst way, when she was the nurse who walked through my door on the final morning of my hospital stay. I knew Jessica would be the nurse who had the job of providing the final care to my baby and taking her from my arms forever, something neither of us wanted, but both knew would need to be done. She stepped so bravely and lovingly right into my grief and gave me as much space as I needed to process everything that had happened in the past 2 days. She took hours out of her shift to talk me through everything. She listened to me and cried with me.

My sister was scheduled to have her baby boy the next day by c-section, and my best friend was due to have her baby girl, the same week. I had been planning to be the nurse to take care of my sister and nephew and had been so excited for that. Jessica encouraged me to take care of myself and treat myself like I would treat my sister or my best friend, if they were going through the same thing as me. She told me to give myself time to grieve, that I would need that. She told me so many things that I needed to hear, like a lighthouse in this vast and stormy ocean.

My husband told me that some of his most emotional and memorable moments were watching my conversations with Jessica. Thank you, Jessica, for doing some of the hardest work that a nurse can do. Thank you for opening your heart to me, and holding my heart like you held my daughter, gently and with great love and care. I'm so thankful it was you!