My Mamoo (grandmother) passed away yesterday at Liberty Hospital. I am writing to you today about some of the most amazing nurses I have ever met. I want you to know the strength of my words when I say them. I am a nurse, and for many years, have worked mental health, trauma, and ICU. I have been to no less than six hospitals, in several states, with Mamoo over all the years she has lived with me. I have NEVER received such compassionate care, NEVER. We were admitted late Tuesday night, early Wednesday morning, Layne received us to the floor, and she immediately noticed I was apprehensive and acknowledged that. She then spoke to Mamoo and told her she would take good care of her and would let me know everything that happens. She looked my grandmother directly in the face and made sure she understood she was safe. There was a patient care assistant there, who cleaned my Mamoo up, and made her comfortable immediately, but I did not get her name. She also just made everything compassionate and treated my Mamoo like a queen. I left shortly later. I have kiddos at home and had to make sure they were ready for the next day; I left home suddenly when Mamoo left in the ambulance.

Late Wednesday morning, early afternoon, I came back to sit with her. She was in pain and not feeling well still, Dakota was her nurse. Dakota immediately caught me up on what was done, the plan, and who was on her case. She had the cardiologist, nephrologist, and hospitalist there in short order. The hospitalist and I did not agree totally, Dakota recognized that and assured me she would stay on top of Mamoo’s care and let me know the moment something changed. The entire time I was there, she always talked directly to Mamoo and made sure she knew she was safe.

Susie took over at approximately 1600, I was still upset with the hospitalist, and she helped get me in touch with case management to create a plan. Layne was back that evening, I left shortly after shift change, and Layne again assured me she would call if anything changed. At approximately 0240 on Thursday morning, Layne called me and said I should come up. I knew with the changes what was happening. When I arrived, Layne helped me get in touch with the house supervisor to facilitate a meeting with the hospitalist. The same care assistant from the night before was there, training another young lady I believe, and she was just amazing. I cannot explain how wonderful she was. Layne was in and out doing everything in her power to make my Mamoo comfortable and made sure to know she was safe.

At shift change, Heidi took over care. She knew instantly what to do and how to advocate for my grandmother. She got onto the hospitalist to get himself to bedside and meet my Mamoo's needs. When he arrived, we discussed her care, at which point I am still beyond frustrated with him, he finally apologized, which is all I really wanted. Recognition for taking the last moments from me and my family that my Mamoo would recognize us and be together, before the active dying began, but I do understand his side. Heidi was right there comforting me. I don’t know how to explain it, but Heidi just knew what I was feeling and how to help me cope. Kim from case management and Kim from palliative care came by shortly after. They both jumped right in to bring Mamoo home on hospice. I saw them, I feel like every five minutes trying to try and get this together. They both were making calls, updating me, changing the plan to get this done in the way Mamoo and I wanted. Unfortunately, I saw my Mamoo take that turn, to spiral down into death quickly. Both Kims, again, jumped right into it, changing the plan and keeping us put. I didn’t even want to move to the 6th floor, mainly because I wanted THESE nurses. All of them just made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I knew moving her would accelerate this process.

My dad and aunt were on the way, this is their mother, I wanted to do my best to give them an opportunity to make it, without prolonging her pain or suffering. I was alone, I had no one to watch the kids. We moved here right when Covid got started and have not made those bonds yet. My husband was at home with them, and I was on the phone with my sister the whole time. I had no physical support. Willow stepped in with Heidi to make sure I was never alone; I mean not ever. These two ladies came in and out, to check on me, hold my hand, hug me, hold my Mamoo's hand, they loved me, and they loved her. I was not alone. These ladies kept me sane and kept me safe and comforted. I asked for Mamoo to be anointed and blessed, and within half an hour, the Chaplain was there. She comforted my Mamoo, and after her blessings, Mamoo relaxed even more. The chaplain made me feel that this was the right path, the designed path for us. That is so hard to see, when grief is drowning me like wave after wave, after wave, and no relief would come. The chaplain helped me breathe again. At one point, willow asked if I wanted her on the monitor, just the spo2. I did not want to be that person, a nurse wanting to know, but she knew and just did it. Again, she knew what I needed, as a nurse and a loved one grieving.

I told my Mamoo countless times I loved her, that she was loved, and that it was ok to go when she was ready. I asked her to tell me she loved me, one more time, just one more time, I needed to hear those words. At this point she had been without talking, only a few sounds now and then, she looked right at me and said, love you, N. I knew it right that second, she was going to go, Heidi and Willow saw it happening on the monitor and both came rushing in. They held her hands and let me cry and grieve and be her granddaughter instead of her nurse. They made me feel safe enough and vulnerable enough to grieve because I knew they loved her too. I needed my kids to have the opportunity to say goodbye, Willow took the task and ran. She got what was needed to afford them that opportunity. Once my kids arrived, I spoke to them in the waiting room. This was their first experience with losing a loved one, suddenly and at all. Each of them chose to go in and say their goodbye. This was so important to me; I've seen how grief can spiral without closure. I did not even know if they would want to, but they were given the opportunity. My dad and aunt had not made it, but my dad was so close. Heidi and Willow gave me time to wait. They let me know of course this is dependent on the needs of the hospital, but that I would get the time for as long as it could be afforded. I know how hospitals work, I get it, but the way they said it was with such grace. Not just like it was a rule on a list, but that it was personal, and their truthfully best and most honest efforts would be made. While I waited, they still checked on me and comforted me, and lifted me up. My dad was able to say his goodbyes, due to delays my aunt was not, but that’s ok. It's ok because I know concretely everyone gave their all, and that is what makes this whole process just a touch easier.

The way everything happened so suddenly, but was handled with such care, gives my heart warmth and some joy when it feels like it is being torn apart in shreds. These words do not hold the strength and power of what I feel I was given by these nurses and patient assistants. I do not know what can be done for them. I hope somehow, they are deeply recognized for what they did during this time. Monday my Mamoo and I were laughing and hanging out like usual, Tuesday she felt bad and by Thursday she was gone, her kidneys were done. That fast she was gone, and all the staff mentioned above just made it better, more than bearable, they gave me some beauty in a time of sadness. Please recognize them however you can, for making more than a difference to me, they made it possible for me to still be a mom and wife and daughter and come out of the dying process able to function. I wanted you to know how freaking amazing and wonderful these ladies are.