My identical girls will be 10 months old soon and not a moment goes by that Peggy does not come to mind for being with me during their delivery.
My pregnancy was not easy. It began with thinking they were mono/mono twins for many weeks which is very high risk and only 50% survive to 20 weeks. Shortly after the news, they found a membrane between them making the risk a little better, but we were given more bad news. After several scans and blood tests, we were told because of their nuchal translucency, our girls would be severely mentally and physically handicapped and we were offered “options” many times, which was to terminate the pregnancy without them actually saying terminate the pregnancy. This was not a choice we wanted to hear or even contemplate. At that point, the doctor and genetic counselor told us the very best option to hope for would be Down Syndrome but likely to be much worse. We were not ready to hear that. With the girls’ dad behind me on my feelings that they would be strong, healthy girls, we forged ahead with love and positivity.
Then came more news: our baby girl “B” had a two-vessel cord and a hole in her heart. Coupled with so many ups and downs, our pregnancy was hard, and add on that my advanced maternal age and strenuous work as an ER nurse. Some days and moments were hard to get through. I had been sick the whole pregnancy, vomiting any time day or night up until the day I delivered. My body was wearing down, my sciatic nerve became crippling, and I had to start on medication for relief and rely on others for help getting in and out of bed.
Finally, the day came to see our sweet girls and it did not start well. I had an unmemorable nurse night shift, which is fine. But, soon, it felt like a nightmare. I was required to have an epidural because I was having the girls in the OR. I was beyond scared as I’m not a fan of epidurals but understood the need in this situation. The nurse anesthetist gave us the feeling that he was beyond annoyed to be in the room, he was frequently on his cell phone, definitely pre-occupied, and not focused on the fact that he was working with a patient. I became tearful and more frightened. Again, the unmemorable nurse was just doing her job.
My epidural was not inserted correctly. I frantically kept telling the nurse anesthetist something was wrong, but he did not seem to care and instead yelled at me more than once. The epidural turned out to be in a vein and not in my epidural space, so when he injected the test dose of medication, it went through my vascular system. I began shaking violently, very dizzy, very nauseated. I could not hold myself up and briefly remember yelling out, “Take my babies” as I BELIEVED I WAS GOING TO DIE. From what I understand, I was severely hypotensive, multiple doses of neo-synephrine were given IV push without success and a neo-synephrine infusion was started. Once I was stable, I had to go through the process again to have an epidural placed.
I had no comfort, no care, no trust in the environment I was in. I was scared and exhausted. When day shift arrived and Peggy walked into my room, it was like a nightmare was over or a cloud had been lifted. The overwhelming sense of comfort, peace, and security that washed over me, my girls, and my delivery is indescribable. Peggy was not just a nurse who you could tell was experienced and calm, she was an angel sent to be with me and bring my girls into the world with care, love, and security.
The rest of the morning we were in a place of such peace, calm, and security that both my boyfriend and I slept through most of my labor. Heading towards the OR, I began to feel nervous and scared, as I frantically started to look for M, Peggy was right there and assured me he was right behind us without me having to even ask.
The OR was a different environment than my previous deliveries and with it being set up for a twin delivery, there was not a lot of room for the dad to be next to me. Without fail though, Peggy was right there any time I felt scared or worried.
My delivery took a while, I was exhausted. Peggy did not treat me like my nurse helping me through delivery, she treated me like family. I was wearing out and feeling like I couldn't go on. I looked for M, my support and he couldn't get closer to me; without even thinking, Peggy, like second nature, reached under the drape and held my hand.
It did not matter what was going on during my delivery, second baby breach and working to turn her, cord wrapped around her neck, or even the significant amount of blood loss I was experiencing in the OR and back in my room, Peggy was always the calm in the room to keep me from being scared or nervous, always reassuring me everything was okay and me feeling I was in the best hands.
I didn't get to really thank her for what she did for me and my girls as she left me in the mother-baby unit but I don't think I could have found the right words to express her importance and value on the day. M stepped out as she was leaving and he felt so much love and appreciation for her that he teared up thanking her for her care.
I wish there was so much more I could say and do to thank her for everything that day. A DAISY Award is a small gesture I can offer. She is absolutely doing what she was put on this earth to do. She is an angel and a blessing to any mother lucky enough to have her at their side for delivery.
Peggy, we will never forget you and I can't wait to tell my girls about the amazing woman and nurse that helped me bring them into the world.