My worst nightmare happened in April 2021, when my son N hung himself. Little did I know that this tragedy would also bring 3 angels into my life: N’s 3 primary nurses, Sara, Michelle, and Sam. These 3 amazing nurses have forever left an imprint on my heart. I have worked in healthcare as a respiratory therapist for 20 years at another hospital in Madison. I know how hospital life works, understand the medical lingo, and never imagined that I would be on the “other side of the bed” watching my child in critical condition on a ventilator. It is often said that healthcare workers can be the worst patients or family members because even though we understand how things work, we often have very high unrealistic expectations. What I experienced was nothing but truly exceptional care from every single person we encountered. Our nurses were truly the definition of exceptional.

From the time we entered the PICU, we were greeted by our first nurse Sara who said, “I’m N’s nurse and will be taking care of him. He is my only priority, so don’t hesitate to ask for anything.” She treated him with such compassion, respect and talked to him and us about everything she was going to do. She brought me crackers and juice knowing that was exactly what I needed without me saying a word. Prior to leaving she gave me a hug and assured me that N was everyone’s priority, and he was in the best hands.

Michelle was his next nurse that took over from Sara and continued the care right where Sara left off. It never felt like there was a transition between nurses. Everything was seamless Michelle was so gentle with N. She talked to him about the sports he was interested in and the cool haircut he had and treated him as if he was wide awake and could answer her. Then sat with me as I cried in shock at what had happened to my son. She reassured me that she would stay by N’s side as I drove home to get clothes. She told me to call as many times as I needed during the time I was gone. And when I returned, Michelle was right by N’s side. She gave us an update on the things she had done while we were gone and let us know that she would again be back that night and that Sara would be our nurse again during the day. I never felt like I didn’t know what was going on.

A day later we met Sam. Sam too, was one of the most genuinely caring and compassionate nurses. Between Sam, Sara, and Michelle we had the perfect trio of nurses. N’s neuro storming had become much worse that night she was on. It was torture to watch as a mother. Sam never gave up working with the doctors to find something that would make N comfortable. She promised that she would make sure we had a plan in place to keep N comfortable and she did. I can’t tell you how much as a mother that means when someone does everything they can to take the pain away from your child. She was N’s advocate that night and made it her priority to come up with a plan that worked best for him.

Sara, Michelle, and Sam were 3 angels that came into our lives at our worst point. With medical knowledge, I knew that N was not making positive improvements and the likelihood of there being a good outcome was not good. I had started talking about organ donation. All 3 nurses were proactive in starting the discussion with the medical team. I had hoped and prayed for a miracle, but unfortunately, my sweet son would not make a recovery. Each one of the nurses would hold my hand as I cried and cried. They listened to me tell stories of who N really was, sometimes repeating those stories. They never once made me feel like I was wasting their time. They always asked what they could do for us, encouraging us to eat and drink. Not only were they advocating for N but us as well. Even if it meant having someone come into our room at a later time because I was uncontrollably crying so hard that I couldn’t breathe. They would get the Chaplin, psychologist, and child life in our room if I needed someone to talk to. Sara, Michelle, and Sam let me and encouraged me, to do “mom things” for N. I was able to help give him a bath, wash his hair with his own shampoo, and bring in his own blankets to cover up with and pictures of N to make his room feel less like a sterile hospital room. Sam got him a Brewers gown, so he looked like he was wearing normal clothes. Sara had me lay with N so that he and I were able to snuggle and listen to music together and I was able to hold and hug my son. We would watch sports together and talk about his favorite canine champions. Each nurse made sure that I was able to lay next to him as much as possible. I was even able to fall asleep next to him.

For those 5 days, Sara, Michelle, and Sam not only made sure that every single one of N’s needs were met but, also made sure mine and our families were too. They didn’t have to take care of us. Their job was to care for N, but they all went above and beyond to make sure the last days I had with my son was the best possible quality time. They let me cry, talk, and ask questions over and over. They reassured me I was making the best decision for N. Sara, Michelle and Sam never stopped being there for both N and me.

N became an angel and a hero. Michelle was our nurse in the OR and Sara stayed 4 hours past her shift to be our support person. She just finished a long stretch of days and could have gone home, but yet again went above and beyond for our family and N. In the OR, Michelle made sure N’s comfort was her number one priority. He passed away with dignity and most important peacefully. I was allowed to hold his hand and give him a kiss on his forehead to say goodbye. I was allowed to comfort my child during his last breath. To say my world shattered around me is an understatement. I sobbed in his ICU room for 2 hours. No one rushed me out. Sara gave me a hug before she left, and Michelle sat with me and let me cry. This by far is the worst nightmare a parent can go through. Sara, Michelle, and Sam touched our lives in a way we will never forget. The care they provided was beyond exceptional and went above and beyond on everything. They were proactive, always treated N with respect, and put his care and comfort as their number one priority. They communicated to us and made sure every detail was addressed. I always had a full Kleenex box and if there was something that they thought could help either N or myself they would offer it. Even in this tragedy and very sad time, they were able to make us laugh. We talked about all the funny stories of N and the good memories and who he is and who he will always be remembered for. When I think back to the time, we spent in the hospital I have lots of sadness, but Sara, Michelle, and Sam always bring a smile to my face when I think of them. They truly are angels, and we will never be able to thank them enough for everything they did for N and our family.