It felt like 30 minutes between my last prenatal appointment and settling into our hospital room after finding out that our daughter, at 38 weeks and 2 days gestation, no longer had a heartbeat. We can't always remember much about the blur of those days, but we can remember and we will never forget NICU nurse Shelia Tarr.
Shelia's compassion is unmatched. Through our 3-day stay, Shelia walked with us. She held my hand, answered our questions, prayed with us, gave us step-by-step instructions, and reminded us that this was not our fault. In the darkest moments of our lives, we grew to trust Shelia as our guiding light. We trusted that Shelia would take care of our daughter as she wheeled me into delivery. Trusting Shelia was the easiest thing we had to do that day.
After delivery, Shelia so perfectly swaddled and handed our sleeping angel to us. There was no rush, and she reminded us of this. We watched Shelia treat our daughter with such dignity that day- measuring her, bathing her, taking foot and hand imprints for our keepsake, and swaddling her one last time. One of my biggest fears was forgetting the precious moments we had with our daughter, but Shelia had her committed to her memory; she could and did remind me what her lips, hair, and eyelashes looked like. She made sure we knew that A's hands were folded next to her head like a sleeping angel.
Shelia returned after her shift the following day with a handwoven blanket that A was photographed with. Because we felt so close to Shelia, I asked that we could stay connected by mail. Shelia's updates back to me included a donation in A's name to a young boy suffering from osteosarcoma in the Philippines and placing flowers on the altar of her church in honor of A. She knew that the next chapter of our lives would be honoring A's legacy, and she helps us to do just that.
In one of the few moments of surreal reality in the days we lost A, I asked Shelia how she deals with being a NICU nurse. I can't begin to imagine the emotion she carries home from work on a daily basis. Shelia responded with another truth- while an extremely hard job, this job was her "calling".
I've come to realize that Shelia Tarr was the first of many gifts that A has sent us. We have to believe that because this has to be our journey, A is sending miracles and signs to make this journey sometimes feel manageable. We can only hope that anyone who ever has to travel a journey of prenatal loss has a Shelia Tarr journeying with them. She is a true DAISY Nurse.